Fifteen-year-old Alex sat in his school counselor’s office, struggling to cope with a poor grade on his latest math test. “I just can’t do it,” he muttered, showing a lack of resilience. “I’m not smart enough.” His counselor paused before responding, “Maybe this test didn’t go well, but that doesn’t mean you’re not capable. What can we learn from this? How can we improve?”
This moment encapsulates the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset—one of the key elements of resilience. In The Coddling of the American Mind, Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt argue that young people today are facing rising levels of anxiety, depression, and fragility, in part because they are not given enough opportunities to build resilience. Overprotection, emotional reasoning, and the avoidance of discomfort have made it harder for young people to develop the coping skills necessary for life’s inevitable challenges. However, with the right strategies, resilience can be nurtured, empowering individuals to handle adversity with confidence.
What is Resilience?
Resilience is the ability to adapt to adversity, overcome setbacks, and persist through challenges. It does not mean ignoring pain or discomfort but rather developing the emotional strength to face difficulties head-on. Resilience is built through experience—by encountering obstacles and learning how to navigate them. Unfortunately, a culture that prioritizes safety and emotional comfort over struggle and growth is depriving young people of these crucial life experiences.
Barriers to Resilience
Several factors have contributed to the decline of resilience in today’s youth:
- Overprotective Parenting – Constant supervision and intervention prevent children from developing independence and problem-solving skills.
- Social Media and Comparison Culture – The pressure to appear perfect online leads to unrealistic expectations and a fear of failure.
- Emotional Reasoning – Teaching that feelings define reality discourages young people from challenging negative thoughts and developing coping mechanisms.
- Academic and Social Pressures – The intense focus on achievement over personal growth leaves little room for learning through trial and error.
Strategies to Build Resilience
Resilience is not an inherent trait—it can be developed through intentional actions and mindset shifts. Here are some ways individuals, parents, educators, and society can foster resilience:
1. Embrace Failure as a Learning Tool
Instead of viewing failure as a reflection of self-worth, see it as an opportunity for growth. Schools and workplaces should normalize setbacks and encourage reflection on what can be improved rather than punishing mistakes.
2. Develop a Growth Mindset
Encouraging a growth mindset—the belief that abilities can be developed through effort—helps individuals persist through challenges. Phrases like “You haven’t mastered this yet” or “With practice, you’ll get better” reinforce the idea that improvement is always possible.
3. Encourage Independent Problem-Solving
Rather than stepping in at the first sign of struggle, parents and educators should allow children to navigate difficulties on their own. This might mean letting a child resolve a conflict with a friend, manage their own schoolwork, or make decisions about how to spend their time.
4. Teach Cognitive Behavioral Techniques
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) strategies can help young people recognize and challenge negative thought patterns. Teaching skills like reframing negative thoughts, practicing mindfulness, and using logical reasoning can improve emotional resilience.
5. Limit Social Media Exposure
Reducing reliance on social media and encouraging real-life interactions can help young people build authentic self-esteem and avoid the pressures of online comparison culture.
6. Promote Physical and Mental Well-being
Exercise, sleep, and healthy eating all contribute to mental resilience. Schools and families should prioritize physical activity and good sleep habits to support emotional regulation and stress management.
The Role of Schools and Communities
Educational institutions play a critical role in fostering resilience. Schools can implement:
- Character Education Programs – Teaching grit, perseverance, and emotional intelligence alongside academics.
- Encouraging Debate and Open Dialogue – Allowing students to engage with challenging ideas helps build confidence and critical thinking skills.
- Support Systems for Struggling Students – Providing mentorship and guidance can help students develop coping strategies rather than simply avoiding difficulties.
Conclusion
Resilience is the foundation of a successful and fulfilling life. While modern society has unintentionally made it harder for young people to develop resilience, intentional efforts can reverse this trend. By embracing struggle, encouraging independence, and promoting a growth mindset, individuals can become more adaptable, confident, and prepared for life’s challenges.
This article concludes our series on The Coddling of the American Mind, but the conversation doesn’t end here. Building resilience is an ongoing effort—one that requires collective action from parents, educators, and society as a whole. Let’s commit to creating an environment that fosters strength, adaptability, and perseverance for generations to come.
